Gov. Haley Barbour of Mississippi has announced that he will grant a pardon to two sisters convicted of armed robbery, on the condition that one of the sisters agrees to give him a brain transplant.

This morning on national television, failed Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell claimed that political machinations by liberal Democrats are responsible for the rumored investigation into her campaign finances. In an interview with Robin Roberts, Ms. O'Donnell explained: "The liberals are desperate to stop me before they have to bury me in another landslide election that would otherwise have been an easy Republican win.”

Federal authorities have opened a criminal investigation of Christine O'Donnell to determine if the former Senate candidate broke the law by using campaign money to pay personal expenses. Authorities became suspicious when she claimed a $100,000 campaign expense for "Eye of Newt" and "Fluorite Rune Wands."

A man should be able to admit when he's wrong, and I'm no exception. When I heard that Prince William and someone named Kate were getting married, I said "I couldn't care less about that." I found out how wrong I was when I read today that some other royal folks were getting married also. Turns out I was capable of caring much, much less.

Out this year just in time for Christmas: The child-sized vuvuzela - A great gift to get for someone else's child, if the store is out of toy drum sets.

I'm having trouble deciding whether I'm a Leader or a Legend. Apparently, I can't be either one, because I can count higher than the number of my fingers.

Some folks applied to the city for a parade permit. Some other folks showed up to ask the city not to grant it, because they didn't like the name of the parade. A child piped up: "If you don't like what they're calling their parade, why don't you have one of your own, and call it whatever you want?" The adults looked at each other knowingly and said, "Shut up child, and stop blocking the TV camera."

In a surprise statement today, President Obama announced that he has reached a deal with Republicans to designate Senegal as the country of his birth. To critics of the deal, Mr. Obama countered, "Senegal is much closer to the United States than where the Republicans wanted me to be born. It's like, way, way, way on the other side of Africa from Kenya."

I have decided to start sending "cables" now, instead of emails, because that sounds a lot more important. Apparently, cables are really the same thing as emails, just not as secure.

I was recently de-friended by several Facebook friends, thanks to WikiLeaks. No big loss. If Hosni Mubarek and King Abdullah can't take a joke, the heck with them. I won't be sending any more cables to Hillary Clinton though, that's for sure.