|
Monday, February 28, 2011
Charlie DrugIn a radio interview today, Charlie Sheen stated that the only drug he is on now is a drug called "Charlie
Sheen." You know you have a problem when you start using your own name as a slang term for "big piles of cocaine."
9:25 pm est
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Psych OpsSen. John McCain responded today to a report that he was the target of "psychological operations" by the
U.S. military to pressure him on Afghanistan. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever..." the senator
began. He was unable to finish his sentence because a bell rang nearby and he began salivating uncontrollably.
12:20 pm est
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Upheaval in LibyaI'm just wondering assassination, when Anderson Cooper keeps assassination talking about "possible resolutions"
assassination to Libya's current political upheaval assassination, is he maybe trying to send some sort of subliminal
message assassination?
6:42 am est
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Prank Call to WisconsinDavid Koch was understandably incensed about the prank call yesterday to Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who was
duped into believing the caller was the billionaire oil tycoon. "When I buy a governor, nobody makes an ass out of him
except me," seethed Koch. Koch was apparently so angry, he sold the state of Wisconsin for $50 and a stack of Beetle
Bailey comics.
12:32 pm est
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
NBA TradeI'm happy for the Knicks in their acquisition of Carmelo Anthony. Now the Knicks will finally get their
chance to lose in the first round of the playoffs.
9:48 am est
Monday, February 21, 2011
Protest in LibyaProtesters have taken to the streets in Libya to express their outrage over the excesses of their long-time leader,
Muammar el-Gaddafi/Qaddaffi/Kadafy. A spokesman summed up the agitation of the group: "Every day, this guy comes up with
a new way to spell his name. The rest of us have to pick one and go with it. What's up with that?"
5:43 am est
Monday, February 14, 2011
Cinderella StoryCinderella story, outta nowhere - Bill Murray, who formerly played
a greens keeper, yesterday became Champion of the Pebble Beach Pro-Am. He didn't win any money, but when he dies, he will
receive total consciousness. So he has that going for him, which is nice.
10:01 am est
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Farewell Mr. MubarekBefore leaving office, Hosni Mubarek issued one last bitter statement
from his Facebook page: “Well I'm gonna go then! I don't need any of this. I don't need anything. Except
this ashtray. That's all I need. And this paddle game - The ashtray and the paddle game, and that's all I need. And
this remote control. - The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches."
5:40 pm est
|
