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Friday, December 16, 2011
Barry Bonds PunishmentUS District Judge Susan Illston today sentenced Barry Bonds to a suspended sentence and 30 days of home confinement
for misleading a 2003 grand jury investigating a steroids ring. "I realize this is a very harsh punishment;" Judge
Illston said while pronouncing the sentence. "however, I believe it is the only way these people can fully
appreciate the horrible consequences of their choice to live in Barry Bonds' home."
7:42 pm est
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Can we have our drone back?So me and the gang are in the neighborhood
playing with our drone, when it goes over the fence and lands in grouchy ol' Mr. Ahmadinejad's back yard. So we draw
straws to see who's going to go ask for it, and Hillary gets the short straw. So she goes up and rings the bell, and Mr.
Ahmadinejad comes to the door and yells, "You kids get off my lawn! And stay off!" So I guess we're gonna hafta
save our allowances for a new super-secret stealth drone.
2:51 pm est
Saturday, December 10, 2011
New GOP Front-runnerNew Republican presidential nomination front-runner Newt Gingrich responded this evening to criticism regarding
his comments that Palestinians were an "invented people." "I know invented people when I see them," said
Gingrich, "having been invented myself by the Pillsbury Company..." Gingrich was unfortunately unable to finish
his statement after an anonymous onlooker poked him in the tummy and caused him to break out into the cutest little giggle.
10:29 pm est
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